Tuesday, November 30, 2010 / 11:55 PM

omg this is really hell for me. yes i've learnt more then i'd expected in such a short while, but this is really not going well for me, emotionally wise. i go to work everyday feeling empty. no one is there to share joys and troubles with. im like a lost puppy everyday, waiting for others to tell me what i should do. and not to mention all the freaking dilution for non-emergency cases. i dont remember them teaching in school or during project p? so much so for 2 freaking weeks of 'recap'. i dont even know what the staffs are talking bout, how am i going to take case like that? and did i mention how sucky it is to be a student? freaking lowest in hierarchy, you're constantly waiting for help, even opening the damn locked doors you need a staff pass. every single time i wait for others to open for me i feel like banging my head against the wall. its like im so useless i cant even open my own damn doors. do others feel like that? i think its just me. and some staffs are just plain nasty. havent they been a student before? look, you dont have to show your authority here. i know where i stand, havent i been humble enough? dont tell me you weren't a student before, that you weren't in my shoes before. did your senior do that to you, and in turn you are doing it to me? get a life, if you have to torture others to feel good, then i dont know what to say. i dont know what to do, feeling so aimless sucks. i want to be in control, i want to know what im doing. i dont even know where is my preceptor half the time, wait, do i even have one? i dont want the three months to be like that. seriously, i'd rather be in general wards. at least i know something. right here sometimes i dont even dare to touch the pts. how long will i last? i think im gonna turn my switch off, im here to complete my last lap, im not here to make some fucking friends (provided that i can choose where to work when i pass out, thats another story). right here i dont even feel good about myself, how am i going to help others?

Hello blogger, sorry i only remembered you when i need to vent my frustrations.